Certainly the faith that has empowered the persecuted church for two millennia isn’t as thin and boring as “Say you’re sorry,” “Be nice,” and “Don’t be like them.” Why would anyone want to deny himself, lay down his life, or suffer for something as inane as that? Aside from the “Ask Jesus into your heart” part, how does this message differ from what any unchurched child or Jewish young person would hear every day?

Turning God into Santa

Let’s face it: most of our children believe that God is happy if they’re “good for goodness’ sake.” We’ve transformed the holy, terrifying, magnificent, and loving God of the Bible into Santa and his elves. And instead of transmitting the gloriously liberating and life-changing truths of the gospel, we have taught our children that what God wants from them is morality. We have told them that being good (at least outwardly) is the be-all and end-all of their faith.

This isn’t the gospel; we’re not handing down Christianity. We need much less of Veggie Tales and Barney and tons more of the radical, bloody, scandalous message of the God-man crushed by his Father for our sin.

“

Instead of the gospel of grace, we’ve given them daily baths in a ‘sea of narcissistic moralism.’
”

This other thing we’re giving our children has a name—it’s called “moralism.” Here’s how one seminary professor described his childhood experience in church:

The preachers I regularly heard in the . . . church in which I was raised tended to interpret and preach Scripture without Christ as the central . . . focus. Characters like Abraham and Paul were commended as models of sincere faith and loyal obedience. . . . On the other hand, men like Adam and Judas were criticized as the antithesis of proper moral behavior. Thus Scripture became nothing more than a source book for moral lessons on Christian living, whether good or bad.

Teaching Good Manners Instead of Salvation

When we change the story of the Bible from the gospel of grace to a book of moralistic teachings like Aesop’s fables, all sorts of things go wrong. Unbelieving children are encouraged to display the fruit of the Holy Spirit even though they are spiritually dead in their trespasses and sins (Ephesians 2:1). Unrepentant children are taught to say that they’re sorry and ask for forgiveness even though they’ve never tasted true Godly sorrow. Unregenerate kids are told they are pleasing to God because they have achieved some “moral victory.”

Good manners have been elevated to the level of Christian righteousness. Parents discipline their kids until they evidence a prescribed form of contrition, and others work hard at keeping their children from the wickedness in the world, assuming that the wickedness within their children has been handled because they prayed a prayer one time at Bible club.

The Bible Isn’t a Book of Fairy Tales

If our “faith commitments” haven’t taken root in our children, could it be because they have not consistently heard them? Instead of the gospel of grace, we’ve given them daily baths in a “sea of narcissistic moralism,” and they respond to law the same way we do: they run for the closest exit as soon as they can.

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Good manners have been elevated to the level of Christian righteousness.
”

Moralistic parenting occurs because most of us have a wrong view of the Bible. The story of the Bible isn’t a story about making good little boys and girls better. As Sally Lloyd-Jones writes in The Jesus Storybook Bible:

No, the Bible isn’t a book of rules, or a book of heroes. The Bible is most of all a Story. It’s an adventure story about a young Hero who comes from a far country to win back his lost treasure. It’s a love story about a brave Prince who leaves his palace, his throne—everything—to rescue the one he loves. It’s like the most wonderful of fairy tales that has come true in real life.

This is the story that our children need to hear and, like us, they need to hear it over and over again.

source:http://theresurgence.com/2011/05/27/the-danger-of-moralistic-parenting

1. You believe the heel of the loaf of bread has more nutrients in it because it is browner.

2. You think that kids were made for the living room and not the living room for the kids.

3. You believe that being a disciplinarian consists of using repeated commands in a professional, bossy voice.

4. You think that telling stories at the dinner table is weird.

5. You think that laughter at the dinner table is even weirder.

6. You possess a bag of carob chips, which you put into cookies made out of trail mix.

7. You place a high value on “teaching them a work ethic,” but that value is not nearly as high as your “slave labor is great ethic.”

8. You don’t want them to know any dumb music.

9. You think dessert is for sissies.

10. You want them to learn to appreciate you without you ever appreciating them.

Source:http://theresurgence.com/2012/01/12/10-reasons-why-your-kids-might-think-youre-no-fun?preview_key=9elsf7n51prvz29yh7kk

Seven Days in Utopia Posted on October 10, 2011 by Lynn H. Pryor – Livingwithteens.com

A movie released rather quietly last month, but I kept hearing people talk about it: Seven Days in Utopia. So I had to investigate.

Movie Clip: Seven Days in Utopia

Not a bad movie at all. Granted, it is not the best movie I’ve seen this year–there were a few minor production glitches in it–but it is worth seeing. Although it stars Robert Duvall and Lucas Black (Jarhead, Friday Night Lights), the production companies behind it are relatively unknown.

The question I kept asking myself was: is this a Christian movie or not? The storyline centers on a young golfer (Black) with anger and father issues who ends up in the small Texas town of Utopia.

He is befriended by a former golfer (Duvall) who says he can turn his golf game around in seven days. What follows is not so much learning how to be a better golfer, but how to be a better man. It hints at the importance and value of faith, family, and values, but it is never in-your-face about it. Which is why I kept asking: is this a Christian movie or not.

I’m going to risk giving away the end of the movie, because it tells me why your teenager should see this movie. Black’s character returns to golfing, and is playing in a tournament against a talented and well-loved opponent. It’s tense and comes down to the last shot. If Black makes the shot, he wins. He putts toward the hole and . . . the credits roll?

I am a non-competitive person. I think our culture has made a god of sports and we have taught our kids that winning is everything. So when the credits rolled, I almost shouted YES.

The producers made a strong point: it really doesn’t matter if he wins the tournament or not. It’s the life lessons he learned in Utopia that matter.

For those who have to know if he made the putt, there is a web site: http://didhemaketheputt.com/. (This web address is flashed on the movie screen with the credits.) At that site, moviegoers discover the answer . . . and a whole lot more. There the gospel is presented.

If you have a teenager who lives for sports or is an athlete because it is what others expect of him, fork over the money for a movie ticket, some popcorn, and yes, even the big coke. Watch it. It will give you something to talk about it.

PARENTS! Have you ever thought about living across different cultures?

Every day we move from one culture to the next without so much blinking. Your teenager lives in multiple cultures as well. Your home has a specific culture that you create, and is made up of people living between multiple cultures. Think about it, the values, language, goals, & daily unspoken rules they function by at school is vastly different than the values, language, goals, and rules in their home. Add to it their church experiences, job places, sports teams, and other activity groups they belong to.
On top of that, it’s obvious how much our community is growing in it’s diversity of people, values, and beliefs. (not to mention, gender differences).

How are YOU the parents, supposed to approach their world, when you are from an entirely different culture yourself?

InterVarsity produced this helpful diagram to approaching cultural differences. It names a few things that happen when people of 2 different cultures rub up against each other in life. The top line offers a way of relating that ends in a positive result. The bottom line offers a way that leads to brokenness.

3 parts make up each of these lines (or ways of relating):
1. our approach
2. the inevitables
3. our response

I encourage you to read over this and be familiar with the different approaches. Evaluate your experiences in youth culture/your teens world. Which line do you end up on the most? How are you thinking about the cultural differences? And what do you do with conflicts?

Please send us your feedback on your reflection!

We are raising a generation of teenagers who share a lot in common regardless of where they live. I’ve been reviewing research that was conducted with 7,000 teenagers from 17 different countries on six continents.
Three statements rose to the top that describe what motivates these teenagers.

A desire to commune. There is a need for connection, relationships, and community.

A desire for justice. There is a need for justice (both personal and community), a desire to do what is right, and a desire to be an activist.

A desire for authenticity. There is a need to see things as they are.

What unifies the global village of teenagers around these three? Technology. The Internet, Facebook, Twitter, and every other form of social networking and connection allow students to build community and connect with people with like interests and passions.

I am enthused that these three desires are strong among our teenagers, because all three are strongly endorsed in Scripture. The church has not always lived up to these, but Scripture calls the followers of Christ to be a community of authentic brothers and sisters who seek justice and what is right. I am convinced that we will never truly experience community, authenticity, or justice unless we are grounded in Jesus Christ.

A good discussion starter with your teenager could be around these three areas: Do you feel a need for community (or justice or authenticity)? How do you think that’s best achieved?

Research was conducted by the McCann Worldgroup and is collected in their research brief “The Truth About Youth.” Source: livingwithteens.com  Posted on September 12, 2011 by Lynn H. Pryor

Don’t be fooled into thinking that dads aren’t all that important. Kids need dads to validate their self-worth. Many problems can come to a family and to future relationships for the children when a dad is absent or not as involved with his kids as they need him to be.
Not only does an absent dad make it hard on the mom – who then has to play both roles – but it is also confusing to the children. Mom the nurturer becomes mom the authoritarian, and the kids begin to feel a void in their life that can create relational minefields in their future.

What about a dad who is there, but he remains disengaged? This too can be a problem; maybe an even bigger problem than an absent dad. It can lead to a loss in a child’s self-worth and identity. They begin thinking that they are not important or not worthy of dad’s attention, or worse yet, they’re a burden to him. As a result, they can develop insecurities and anxieties and may never feel they measure up or are good enough – not to anyone.

Each parent has a separate role when it comes to building a child’s self-esteem. Moms instill value in her children and dads validate it. If mom is doing her job, but dad is not right behind her doing the validating, a son may enter into inappropriate relationships to do that for him, or a daughter may go out to find a boy or even an older man who will do the same. They want someone to validate their self worth; but they can only get that from dad.

But what is validation? It’s kind of like a stamp of approval. It tells the child that they are loved and accepted for who they are, regardless. It validates that they are a valued and important part of the family and that they are a beautiful person worthy of the adoration of a father. Can’t you just tell a child that? Of course you can, and you should! But actions speak louder than words. Validation comes from showing you are interested in the child and not only willing to spend time with them, but that you cannot wait for the next time you two can spend together. It’s a very special and important part of your life.

What if the Father is Absent?
If your child does not have a father, or someone to fill that role in their life; it is important to ask your pastor or youth minister, or other family members to fill that void in a positive way for your child.

I knew a man who was slowly passing away from terminal cancer. Before he passed, he asked six different men to look after his children when he was gone. Now that is dedication. This man understood the importance of the role of the father. He wanted at least six men to be looking out for his children, to be sure they would have the support and validation they so desperately need, especially after the loss of a father they loved so much.

My Teen Doesn’t Want to Spend Time with Me
Not every dad knows how to be a good father, because they didn’t have a good example in their own life. That could be why there is a rift in your relationship. A shift in your parenting to become a validator will allow you to experience something you may never have had before in a relationship.

Perhaps you are struggling with your teen and sometimes just want to cut off the relationship and say “Enough is enough!” So maybe you’ve gotten overly involved in projects, sports or work and avoid your child. But even unruly children want their dad to offer them the same amount attention and dedication. They may not say it. They may even deny it with all their might. But no matter how nasty they’ve become, they still need their dad.

These dads may now have to work extra hard to validate their teen. And after they have broken the ice, they should continue to make sure they are doing a good job by asking, “Am I around you enough?” Or, “Do I support you like you need?” “Who do you know you can always count on…is it me?” “Who is the second?” “Third?” Sometimes kids cannot explain their needs, but dad’s desire to talk to them shows that he cares, especially if he listens to them and takes them at their word.

For all the dads out there that have “blown it” or parents that feel they have lost all connection with their kids, showing how you desire time and interaction with them now will still make a difference. Be persistent, and it will pay off.

Steps Toward Validation
Dads should make an effort to get together with their son or daughter once a week, no matter what. For daughters, make it a date. Go to dinner or a coffee shop and just sit and open your ears, look at her, and ask some good questions. Show her that you will go out of your way to talk to her about what matters most to her.

For sons, you’ll do a better job or validating by doing something active together, rather than sitting face to face. Work on a project, golf, hunt, fish, or attend a game together. You may need to go out of your way to find an interest you both have in common.

Positive validation through mutual participation in an activity (especially an activity you may not personally be that fond of) gives your teenager the impression that you care. Strengthen that feeling by endeavoring to find some way to encourage and praise them, even if it is hard to find something praiseworthy.

Every child yearns for attention from the adults in their life. They might be on guard or may not trust you at first because in the past they have not felt so important to you. Make it clear to them that it is your desire now to spend time with them on a regular basis, and then be consistent. Both of you will benefit, but your teen will feel validated because they begin to feel that you really want to be with them and to nourish the relationship.

Kids need their mom’s and dad’s presence and attention to their needs. If not, they will look for value and validation somewhere else – usually from all the wrong places — but they will never truly find it.

Check out more Here!

The statistics are grim. Rainer Research estimates that 70 percent of young people leave the church by age 22. Barna Group argues that the figure increases to 80 percent by age 30. The Southern Baptist Convention, America’s largest denomination, recently observed that growth in their churches is failing to keep up with the birth rate. Taken together, these findings suggest a startling fact: not only are we failing to attract younger worshipers, we’re not holding on to the ones we have.

As executive director of the Fuller Youth Institute at Fuller Theological Seminary and a former youth pastor, Kara Powell has her eyes on the youth drop out trend. She is currently in the midst of a three-year College Transition Project, a study that involves over 400 youth group graduates and is focused on understanding how parents, churches, and youth ministries can set students on a trajectory of lifelong faith and service. Though research is ongoing, it is already revealing a promising pattern: youth involved in intergenerational relationships in church are showing promise for stronger faith in high school and beyond.

[Here are some clips from the article. Or you can read the full thing here.]

We’re also finding a relationship between teenagers serving younger kids and their faith maturity when they graduate from high school. Teens should not only be the objects of ministry; they need to be the subjects of ministry as well. It’s the 16 year old that has relationships with 66 year olds and 6 year olds who is more likely to stay involved in a faith community after she graduates.

If adults in a church caught a vision that every kid needs to have their name known by five adults in the church, then an adult who’s interested in computers can connect with a teen who is interested in computers. And it’s through things like service that we get to know each other and can follow up later to deepen the relationship.

What is the parents’ role in this intergenerational vision?

Many parents ask their children about their church experience. How was church today? What did you learn? What difference do you think it makes at school? “Church was okay,” “not much,” and “nothing” are the kinds of responses you tend to get from your teenagers.

But one of our more interesting findings is that it’s also very important for parents to share about their own spiritual journeys with kids. Teenagers don’t know how their parents came to know Jesus. During our family devotions on Sundays, we used to go around the table and have our kids share about what they learned in church. Then we’d look at a Scripture passage and pray together. Now, because of our research, we have the kids share first. Then my husband and I share what our senior pastor talked about in the service. We want our kids to hear about our faith and our spiritual journeys and what we’re reading and what we’re praying about.

I remember what a privilege it was to be invited to the adult table. Adults underestimate how much kids want to be with us. Kids are far more interested in talking to caring, trustworthy adults than we think they are.

What is God stirring in you regarding Intergenerational Relationships?

Recently BBC News posted a story about how the country of Armenia mandated Chess in their school system. Why? Because studies have proved that playing chess is connected to students “improved reading test scores, strengthen[ed] problem solving skills, enhance[d] memory and foster[ed] creative thinking.” They also believe that chess “teaches children to take responsibility for their actions.”
Bottom line is that they have seen how students who play chess tend to develop natural critical thinking skills.

Whether or not you agree that chess should become a part of your daily routine, it raises the question that much research has been centered around.
Many have been commenting on the recent study that followed students through 4 years of college, and graduated without possessing the ability to make decisions that require “world problem-solving” skills.

Does this generation think critically (or know how to) when it comes to their faith?

What do you think?

What does it mean to engage in critical thinking? How do you cultivate that environment?
What kinds of activities and conversations invite others to safely think critically about what they believe?

For high school students, working more than 20 hours a week at a part-time job could be doing more harm than good, a new study suggests.

The study, authored by researchers at the University of Washington, the University of Virginia and Temple University, found that working more than 20 hours a week in high school is associated with decreased school engagement and increases in problem behavior. The study is published in the January/February issue of the journal Child Development.

These results contradict a number of recent studies that found no negative effects on students from working intensive hours, but researchers say that the treatment of their data, using advanced statistical measures, may account for this difference.

According to the study, students who worked more than 20 hours a week had lower expectations for educational attainment, lower school engagement, higher levels of substance abuse, and other problem behavior. However, these same students also showed more autonomous decision-making and had slightly higher grade point averages than teens without jobs.

The researchers believe that students working long hours tend to take easier classes, which may account for the GPA increase and less time spent on homework.

The authors say they found virtually no evidence that working fewer than 20 hours a week has negative effects on students.

Source: USA Today
http://yourlife.usatoday.com/parenting-family/teen-ya/story/2011/02/Too-many-hours-on-the-job-could-put-high-school-teens-at-risk/43712710/1